Where is the blog!?

Oh my god! Here is the blog!
THE BLOG now at wasabisoft
How did it get there?

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No, We're not dead. I swear it. In truth, we're actually working on something special for you guys that I hope to be able to announce in the next couple days! Stay tuned loyal wasabites!

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Classic Ass #007: Incredibly Corny Jokes

Every Saturday, one of us will post a blog post from our past in order to let you really get to know us... and laugh at us. Over the past century or so, I posted many a corny joke. Here are some of my favorites:

-Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

-Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam! .. "

-Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

-Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

-Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

-A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

-A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

-These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

-Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

-And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

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PC vs MAC

What's the difference between an Apple worshipper and a PC follower??

PC users admit their PC sucks, and when it dies, it's dead--they get a new one.

Apple worshippers deny such occurrences and pray that when shipped back to Apple for some fixin', it will return just like new.

What's another difference between PC users and Mac users???

When breaking, PC users will try all they can to find out the problem and fix it.

When breaking, MAC users cry and send their MACs away to a MAC boarding school and hope they'll behave once returned. (Of course, this can be reversed)

hahahaha, it's similar to the first one, but it's okAY! just poking fun :).

What's another difference between MACs and PCs?

When a PC breaks down and acts funny, the first thing everyone says is, "Stop downloading so much porn!"

MACs just scoff at PCs because like men, they think they have protection. (ooh, double slap)

What's another difference between PCs and MACs?

PC users usually get a new PC by the end of their first year, not only because it sucks; but also, because it's cheap.

MAC users have to wait at least 5 years because they don't have the money to afford a new one and they are stuck with their crappy MAC.

Oh, btw, I use both MAC and PC. Although, I use PC more often, but I do use MAC. I'm just not an Apple worshipper nor a Sony worshipper, that is all :).

Got any other cracks about PC? I'd like to hear them! I just can't think of any right now..hmmm....:) Anyone have jingles about PCs??

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I'd buy a PC; at least they stick around for at least a year.

MADtv conjures funny but true lyrics about Apple and their tactics. Of course, they exist because fanboys are just plain fanboys.

From Feist - 1234

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The First Monday of the Year

Today is the first Monday of the new year. What will you do with it?

For me, I am currently working on loans for tuition and hopefully pay for it in time. For many people, the first Monday is the day they return to work and their normal routine. What is in a routine? Maybe you're a businessman, ironing out your shirt and rolling the lint off your jacket as you prep for your presentation. Or, maybe you're a teacher, once again writing the lesson plan on the blackboard (or if you're high tech, you're using a powerpoint). Or, maybe you're a baker, up at this hour as I'm typing this post, already mixing flour and eggs.

Everyone has their life to carry on, and all of this is part of the routine that keeps us going. Is your routine efficient, is it potentially flawed? In a way, your routine is what you have become used to and we don't think about it as much as we get older. It's just a routine, something we're doing to get by. For those ambitious souls who decide to be adventurous in life, they don't have a routine but they have a hard time getting by. So, is having a routine (which will provide you a stable means for life) better than not having a routine (which will be a life lived in the way you want it to be)?

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"It just (don't) works!" or "My Mac switch nightmare"

UPDATE: Now with 100% more less follow up apology post!

With the exception of names and a raging boner, this is a 100% true story. I just wanted to get that out of the way now. I didn't want to preface my preface, as this is a long post already, but I really wanted to get this out there because it is a crime what apple is doing to their customers. And the worst part is half of them are so "Apple Happy" or just plain new to computers, they are completely oblivious and blind to what is going on. There is one must read section at the bottom I want everyone to read whether or not you read the entire story. It's horrible and I want people to know what Apple is doing. Without further ado, here's the rest of the story.

After much research and chatting with some friends of mine, last September I decided to purchase a Macbook Pro. I figured, Apple is supposed to use some high quality parts in their Macbook Pro line, plus I can run Vista (Yes Vista, I like it, Fuck you very much) with dx10 and even had the only laptop with a dx10 capable video card at the time. So I plunk down my (read: not mine) hard earned (read: given) 2500 bucks to purchase one. It comes in the mail. I'm as happy as a child receiving a video game on Christmas(capital C).

So I'm loving my new found freedom. I felt like bubble boy, having been giving a bubble suit to venture away from my bubble room for the first time. I could now compute anywhere, even on the can if I desired. I now had the ability to watch tv in my room (my house has only one cable outlet). I didn't have to sit in my room while working anymore. I could go downstairs and enjoy my nice tv, I could do work on the train, I was free from my shackles I called a desk.

Then I noticed it. My laptop wasn't sitting flat on the table. It was wobbling. I thought maybe there's something underneath it. I checked. Nope. I took a closer look at my laptop. The bottom casing was warped right around the dvd drive. I thought, oh, well I'll go down to the store and talk to them. I just got it two weeks ago, they should be able to replace it no problem.

I arrive at the Cambridge Side Apple store. I'd never been in an Apple store before. It felt.... creepy. People were enjoying themselves in a computer store, happily buying highly marked up products. The staff weren't 40 year old nothings. They were hip, trendy (cliche) people my age. They were designers, they were musicians, they were wanabes. Everything about them screamed, look at me, I'm hip and trendy with my apple computer. You can be too!

I skulk my way to the back, passing the tutors, passing the cinema displays, passing the mac fanboy on the floor with a raging boner who just creamed himself and passed out after finally getting his hands on an iphone. Ah the Mac Genius bar. They are geniusi, surely they could assist me. I walk up to this kid checking people in.

"Do you have an appointment"

I think to myself, what am I in the doctor's office? Then laugh thinking about my time as a computer repair tech and how much trouble doctors would get in if they repaired people while consuming alcohol.

"Umm no I don't," I replied.

"Well, your in luck, things are slow tonight, we can have Colin (That was probably not his name as I have forgotten what it was, I just replaced it with some random "trendy" name apple employee's are required to have) here assist you with your problem."

"Thank you."

Colin was a younger guy who was hiding his balding by shaving his head and growing out his beard. I never understood that. Hey look at me! I'm not bald, I just moved my hair to the jaw line region. Incidentally, Helen would have called him a pubic hair face. "Yo," He greeted me.

"Howdy (I'm from the south. Sometimes I like to wear that on my sleeve)"

"How can I help you tonight?"

I proceed to explain to him the issue of my warped casing citing I'm worried since it's around the dvd drive it might cause problems with dvd playback. Almost immediately, he cuts in.

"Well, I'll have to charge you for that repair. I have no way of telling if it's customer abuse or if it's our fault. That kind of repair runs about 400 dollars because we have to replace the whole bottom case."

"Don't I have a warranty to cover this kind of thing?" I did.

"Like I said, it's possible it's customer abuse. I'm not saying you aren't careful with your laptop," Yes you are I thought, "but I can't tell if you did this or not, so I can't cover it. Would you like to check it in with us today?"

"Well, I can't really afford that right now... and I don't have another computer to use. Being a graphic designer, it's kind of my life blood. I also don't really have that kind of money right now" I had just lost my job at Harmonix.

"I understand. I can't guarantee that price forever though. So you'll want to bring it back soon."

Woah wait huh!? Red flag. Can't Guarantee the price forever? Where the fuck am I? A gas station? Did George Bush buy Apple? I nod in agreement, pack my things, and leave.

The next day I contact Apple phone support.

"How may I help you today"

Wow these overseas Indian guys are mimicking the English language perfectly now! Oh wait, he's American. "Yeah, I went to the Apple store last night. I recently purchased a Macbook Pro and the casing is warped. I just noticed it a few nights ago. I went to the store and they told me it would cost 400 dollars to repair."

"That's interesting. According to my notes you are under warranty. While it is up to the store to decide how much to charge," Wait... run that by me again? Up to the store? "you are technically under warranty. I could send you a box and we could repair it for you through our repair service, free of charge."

"That would be great, but this is my only computer currently, how long would it take?"

"Seven days."

"Oh ouch.. well, I should have my desktop up and running again shortly. Can you please notate this conversation so when I call back, they will know it's a known issue and take care of it like you have?"

"Sure that wouldn't be a problem."

So I am content right now. I still have a warped laptop, but I can't do anything about it currently as I am looking for jobs and my desktop is on the fritz. Here's were the story gets really interesting.

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WARNING WARNING! BOSS APPROACHING! (read: the really interesting part. the must read is further down)

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So fast forward to two weeks ago. I come home from work for the Christmas holiday. I open my laptop. I start messing around. I notice there's a big piece of dust on the screen, I wipe it off. I continue messing around. I notice it's back. I wipe it again. Then I notice, wait, that's not on the screen. What the hell is this? It's under the screen. How the hell did that get in there? I call customer support...

"Hi, I have what appears to be a speck of dust on the inside of my screen."

"I'm sorry to hear that sir, I can schedule with a Mac Genius at the store and we can get that taken care of."

"Um, last time I went down there, they tried to charge me to repair my warped case, which is still under warranty I'd like to add."

"I assure you they won't do that sir. I'm putting notes in your account to attest to that and also noting for them to repair the case as I see notes in here on a previous conversation with us. You should be able to go down their and get your repairs done. If they have any problems, tell them to give us a call and we will explain the situation further to them."

"Ok thank you."

Back off to the store with me. This time equipped with backing from phone support. I arrive about 45 minutes early. This time they are a little busier, so I mosey on around the store for about 30 minutes, browsing the "already been out on pc for 10 months" aisle before they are ready to see me.

This time it's a lanky man named Christopher. Again with the "hip" attitude. Can't just be Chris? Why do you look like you recently went through an emo phase?

"What can I do for you today?"

"Hi, I just got off the phone with Apple tech. They sent me here to talk to you" I explained my problem to him.

"Oh that's a bubble under your screen. I'm going to have to ask you to remove the stickers from your laptop. Do you mind if I take it into the back?"

"Um sure why not."

This is where I wait for about 20 minutes for him to do whatever it is they do to mac's "in the back." I imagine him doing the hardware "from behind" because everyone knows how in love mac users are with their macs. If you don't believe, don't take my word for it, take his.

He comes back up front. "Well there are a couple of things I'd like to point out to you. There is a dent on the corner of the back of the LCD casing, and a ding on your ram panel." I was 100% sure those were not there when I came in. I'm a technophile and I take EXTREMELY good care of my tech. "It shouldn't be a problem, but I just have to note them."

"Oh, ok."

"Usually a repair on the LCD is 700 or 800 hundred dollars," good god fuck me shit mother fucker, "and another 200 for the case repair plus labor," 200? The last guy told me 400... something is fishy here, "but since it's under warranty, I'll give you a deal and do them both for 180 dollar and no labor fee."

DINGDINGDINGDINGWAAAAAHHHHOOOOOOO RED FLAG CENTRAL. Give me a deal? GIVE ME A DEAL!? It's under warranty. What kind of shit is he trying to pull? Give me a deal? Are you a used car salesman? When I worked in retail, I worked in retail in America. I'm sorry, but we can't work out deals on the company dime for corporate America. Shit is priced at what it's priced, or it comes out my paycheck.

"I just got off the phone with customer service and they said it would be free, and that if you had a problem with that to call them."

"I don't see those notes here, and I won't call them because they will just give me the same answer I gave you."

I told him I would return at another time to get the repairs done.

The next night I promptly call back phone support.

"Hi, thank you for calling Apple Tech support, how may I help you."

A girl? Interesting. "Yes, I'm calling about my Macbook-" I describe my issue and the problem I had the previous night at the store.

"That's awful. Let me review the notes real quick, may I put you on hold?"

"Sure"

She comes back ten minutes later, "Well since you said you spoke with customer service, I'm going to have to transfer you to our customer care line."

"Um, are you not customer service? This is the same number I called the other night."

"No we're tech support." Same god damned thing.

"Well, I'm sorry, I miss spoke. I thought it was the same thing. I spoke with tech support."

"Oh well I can I put you back on hold?" Another 5 minutes pass before she comes back. "Thank you for holding."

"Can I ask you something? Why did I buy an Apple product? Why did I spend 2500 dollars on an Apple product only to be treated like some Dell or Gateway customer."

"I'm sorry for your trouble sir, I'm transferring you to tier 2 service, but the wait time is about 2 hours, do you want to wait?"

"I have a 2500 dollar laptop that is new, warped and has a bad LCD, yeah, I got all day to wait."

I wait maybe 10 minutes before tier 2 comes on the line. The warning must have been a ploy to get me to give up. "Welcome to tier 2 may I help you?" Again I explain the situation. "Ok we're going to send you out a box overnight. Put your computer in the box and drop it off at a DHL location, it will have a return label on it. Give me a minute to go over the notes." He too disappears for 15 minutes. I'm talking to Chad online at this point giving him the blow by blow (read: not a sexual reference). He's wondering why, if they are sending me a box, does he need to disappear for so long to read notes? He comes back, explain the box thing to me again and sends me off. I'm frustrated, but content at this point.

Box comes in. Laptop goes out. Five days later, a day before the New Year, the laptop returns. I once again excitedly open it up and check it out. Most of the case is still the same. They couldn't be bothered to replace the dinged ram panel and the keyboard panel, but they did replace the rest of the bottom case. I boot up. Woah ho ho, brand new, no bubble LCD screen.

I boot up World of Warcrack (thanks Tomy and Phil for getting me back into that game... Assholes...) and play for awhile. I would like to note here, that the laptop is sitting on my desk with nothing obstructing the vent. After about two hours, the laptop abruptly shuts off.

"Umm... what the fuck"

Then I notice a sulfur smell. The smell of fried electronics, and it's strong.

"Holy fuck balls..."

The laptop won't turn on, the light on the charger is gone, the laptop is a paper weight... Two hours after the laptop is returned to me, it fries itself. I give up and go to bed. The next morning I try to turn it on... won't power up. I try a few more times 5 minutes later, it turns on, but the sulfur smell immediately returns. I call the phone lines, blah blah closed for New Years. I call the store, they are open! They schedule me for a 3:20 appointment at the Genius Bar.

I show up an hour early. Mistake. The kid in the back says they are swamped but he will check me in. I decide I can't spend an hour in there and start wondering around the mall. I have a sit at the bench and people watch. Boston has a lot of white people who adopt Asian children. Nothing wrong with that, just something I noticed. Also, I might be the only guy in the world that thinks winter clothes on women are cute.

I go back into the store 20 minutes before my "appointment" and wait. 3:20 rolls around and it's still not my turn. I talk to the girl checking people in, "Do you know when my turn is coming up?"

"Can I get your name"

"Gerry"

"Hmm you aren't checked in," I can't get a break... "but lemme do that for you real quick. There are three people in front of you so just hang out and we'll get to you shortly."

40 minutes later my name is called.

I won't bore you with another long conversation. I will say, this was an older gentleman and he was very sympathetic to my issue and was very nice about everything and was the best out of everyone I talked to. He took my laptop, check it in to be shipped out, apologized, said I should have my computer back in a week, and sent me on my way. I left happy with that experience. I was not happy with the others.

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THIS IS THE PART EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ!

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On my way home, I get a return call from a friend of mine who works at an apple store. He said he did some talking to the geniusi at his store and found out that my problems (the warp and the bubble) were known faults with the hardware... but Apple wasn't admitting them to the public. They were trying to nickle and dime customers for repairs citing abuse as the cause. This is WRONG! I understand you are a business, and it is a business of making money, but own up to your fucking mistakes. Don't fuck over your customers because you don't want to pay for the faulty hardware you produced.

With the exception of the last genius I met with in store this entire experience has left an EXTREMELY sour taste in my mouth. As it stands, I will no longer be dealing with Apple or purchasing anymore of their products, which is a shame because I was very interested in the iphone. What they are doing is CUSTOMER ABUSE. It's the old bait and switch, selling you a broken product and charging you to repair it. I really hope this happens upon an Apple employee. I apologize to you for the harsh language and rude criticism of your consumers. It's in good fun and for the entertainment of my readers. What is not in fun is this story is completely true as is the paragraph above and it is wrong. Fess up. Apologize to me and your other customers. It's the least you owe us. At least Microsoft was behind their product enough to admit there were issue with the xbox 360 and extended all warranties to 3 years. THAT is customer service. So, the ball is in your court Apple. How will you respond?

I would like to invite everyone to post their own experiences about this in the comment section.

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Happy New Year!

I'm a day late, but I would like to say happy new year to all our readers. I hope 2007 was a great year for you and hopefully 2008 will be the same. My 2008 is starting out bleh-y, but that is a long story I am typing up for you right now. It's a good-un, I swear.

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