February 2nd

You ever have one of those days where you wake up and everything looks exactly as it was when you woke up the previous day. You start to move around, drive around, and everything just looks exactly the same. You feel like you are stuck in a loop. You feel like it is Groundhog Day.

Let me preface the rest of the blog by stating that, after viewing said 1993 masterpiece starring Bill Murray, I have slept fully through every February 2nd (with the exception of 2/2/2, which for obvious reasons, I re-watched the film, although I was scared to death while doing so). It is a very planned out process, trust me. You try sleeping over 24 hours straight without waking up, its tough. And if you succeed, tell me what your secret was, I'm always open to new ideas. I'm sure, being the red-blooded Alaskan that you are, you want to know my process for sleeping through February 2nd.

It all starts, oddly enough, on Christmas Eve. A healthy sleep cycle is one of the foundations of proper living. And, since I've been trying to catch that bastard thats been eating my cookies on December 24th (I mean, its every freakin' year!), I decide to start prepping my mind and body on that day. On that day, I attempt to stay up until I see sun. But, since my body has yet to be trained, I usually fall asleep around 4 AM (3 AM Central). I wake up to a preset alarm at roughly 8 PM. This way, my body is getting used to sleeping for long periods. Yes, I understand that this way I don't get to catch who stole my cookies, and yes, I understand this means I "sleep through Christmas", but we all must make sacrifices sometimes for our own sanity.

Now, my body is used to falling asleep at 4 AM (3 AM Central). Unfortunately, I have work. This means I wake up at 9 AM everyday. The early rise is not an issue, but the healthy 5 hour nap is. So, to offset this, I sleep at work. A lot.

When January 31st rolls around, I buy myself a 24 pack of the latest energy drink craze (this year it was Pimp Juice!) and get ready to stay up 55 hours straight. I usually have DVDs of whatever TV show is the latest craze (this year it was Guiding Light!). Then, at precisely 11 PM on Feb 1, I inject myself with a high dosage of Morphine and pass out. And the next time I awake, I've skipped Feb 2nd.

Sure, some years, I've woken up in March from a coma. And sure, some years I've OD'd, ended up in rehab and worked my way through "the system". And sure, this ritual causes me to have to find a new job each year. But, it's worth it.

Can you imagine the egg on my face if I didn't sleep through Groundhog Day and woke up in a time loop?